My 2024 so far Jan - Mid-Feb
Mini update on pros & cons of this year so far, which is roughly 10% complete. I haven't been blogging much, but did at least ramble a bit.
Pros
- I have moved house again, in preparation for baby number 3. Lots of little DIY projects ongoing, some of which I'm even seeing through.
- I am spending more time with my family, and being more present for my wife and daughters.
- I have lost 2 stone, now coming up at 18 stone.
- I have read I Who Have Never Known Men by Jacqueline Harpman (A cracking short read which I would encourage you to indulge in) — My next 2 books are waiting to be read.
- My work-life & home-life balance are much more defined. I am still seeking other employment, but now with much less pressure on myself to succeed.
- I'm drinking way less caffeinated-drinks — I didn't set this as a goal, but my weekly caffeine intake is vastly reduced after 10 years of basically chugging Cola. The withdrawal has kicked my ass.
- I have removed time-wasting games I couldn't control my time on fully (SMITE, Fortnite) & have stayed clean for 3 weeks.
- I have chased my FOI request with my local authority. I would like my coding project to be loosely based on the inspiring work done by Matt Chapman.
Cons
I'm still fucking addicted to my phone — short-form content is destroying my brain & any hope I have of doing things. I intend to cold-turkey swap over to a dumb flip phone, but need to plan this out so the convinces of smartphone technology isn't lost (fuck tying my music habits into a complex Spotify account for the past 10 years)
I haven't done most items on my accountability plan — I am currently justifying some elements of this on the SAD I am experiencing & the harsh Scottish winters, but
this is also a bullshit excuseI failed 2 exams this month — I did expect this as I didn't study appropriately so to not waste £2k, I bought the retake options, wasting £180 instead.
I am broke (but who isn't, thanks cost of living crisis — to inject some humour, my Help 2 Buy ISA has been renamed in the banking app to “Help I'll never buy”)
I have not blogged weekly.
I am still so bitterly isolated in my head, and feel so incredibly lonely. My imposter syndrome, and certain bleak thoughts, are at an all-time high. And I am only able to address that in the words I type here.
More I could moan about, but this is a scribble of my flurried thoughts. So I'll stop here. Look, I'm trying. I will do better.
See you star side. I still love you.
Lost, but surviving.